The Eldest's Creed

Some choices are not given to you. Ever. You can't chose to be a first-born. You're first in responsibility and last in consideration. Believe me, someone will hand you a broom FAR before they'll ask if you want the first cookie. The scariest moments of your life come far way earlier than that awful moment when you realize your on the highway a-freaking-lone. Scariest moment of my life as a first-born..........

They're mimicking me.

All my hobbies are being observed and copied. I can't screw up. Most people are given their crazy moments in the teen years. A brief period in which society won't judge their choices too harshly. Not if you are being followed. I have to make every choice thinking of the seven little people (yes you sibling who is taller than me...you're still my little sister) who are following me. An oldest can't ever think of herself/himself. Let's take something very personal for example: romantic relationships. I may date rebels, but I don't date bad boys. Why not? Because I chose my boyfriends based on who I would let my baby sister date. Work isn't first priority, even though I'm very responsibility focused. Because my priority is the 8yo bro's birthday party. I cancel work meetings because big sisters do not miss birthday parties. I'm not sure that's in the Bible, but according to any kid its sacrilege to miss one.

Education for children mostly brings to mind the trickiness of teaching multiplication and how much of the scandalous US history is appropriate to reveal. What if it was your job to teach a 8yo boy how to stand up to a bully when you couldn't be there? Or to laugh away all the monsters under the bed? What if your objective through teen years was to be utterly quirky and keep your chin up high, just so the 11yo behind you didn't believe that being weird was a negative thing? Hey, if you find the handbook for any of those just let me know.

We call this the "be careful what you promise" paragraph. And by we I mean the royal we = God + me. I have a princess complex...deal with it. People say they'll do anything for their families. Times of crisis tend to bring people together, if they don't rip people apart forever. Here is my comment to whoever was dumb enough to use the "anything" word....would you really???? I'm going to expand everything. Anything now includes making choices in their favor when there is no crisis. Choosing to be there even when it isn't the end of the world. Anything doesn't have a size limit. Ever had a sibling ask if you could pick them up from a movie night at their friend's house at midnight because they are too nervous to take their driver's test yet and still can't drive? It applies! Or you remember that a family member has been hard at work and hasn't had lunch yet......anything.

It's easy to be there when the world is crashing. The problem is, the world crashes slowly and my goal is to never let anyone know how fragile it is. Even a paper house can with stand centuries if it is protected. What if your friendships were so beautiful they belonged in a museum? Wouldn't you guard against every tiny disaster instead of waiting for the building to be burned down?

You know the wonderful thing about blogs? You can't throw tomatoes at me...except my father and...I now am hiding all the tomatoes. *Sigh* Ok, NOW I'm safe. I believe in preventative medicine and planning. Prevent the crisis now, ok? Do something before you have to.  Soap box is now put away and I better double check on those tomatoes....

When the parents know they are having another baby someone usually feels compelled to buy a cheesy shirt for the first child.

Knowing my family...my Grandma totally purchased this shirt or its identical twin. That is the title one wears for the rest of their life. I call it my crown. I couldn't chose it, just like the crown princess doesn't chose to be born into the royal family first. Wait...do crown princess' clean up the living room every night? WAIT A SECOND.....ok so I'm more like Cinderella with a less abusive family.

Here is the Eldest's Creed

Big people protect little people. Love is a verb. The end.

Rough

Tommy decided to rant in a loud voice about "I can't imagine not having chocolate chip cookies! I couldn't live three days on your diet. You get to eat NOTHING fun." I hushed him and threw daggers with my eyes. How are people that mean?! And selfish?! There is yummy Chinese food in the fridge, can't eat it. Ice cream in the freezer, can't eat it but I did and I will pay. Irish coffee creamer? Nope. Rice krispie cereal? Doubtful.

I walked through every grocery aisle at Target today and I came back with only diet cherry coke and gum. DIET SODA AND GUM. What the hell??? If walking up and down twenty aisles only to get an Ana's diet as acceptable food sounds fun to you, please go away and join some masochistic cult. It was so depressing. I slumped through every aisle hoping to find something fun that I haven't tried. Food hasn't been fun for a while. Dried fruit has sugar on it. Coffee creamer is made with yeast as a preservative. Every protein bar has either gluten or sugar and usually both. There is no such thing as "easy, convenient dinners." It has to be made by hand. Here is how I fix dinner.....

1.  Look frantically in all the cupboards and realize I don't have the correct ingredients. Damn.
2.  Run to Wal-Mart and pick things up.
3. Wait in an incredibly long line at the only open cash register and realize I forgot an essential ingredient.
4. Dash back and find the ingredient, getting thoroughly lost in the process and passing by the doughnuts I can't eat seven times
5.  Come home and thaw the chicken.
6. Clean off every surface and spot 72 bread-crumbs.
7. Freak myself out and clean again.
8.  Mix and slice and saute whatever.
9. Scrub my own dishes.
10. See bread-crumbs in the silverware drawer.
11. Freak out again and clean everything.
12. Serve myself dinner.
13. Halfway through realize I left all my pans out.
14. Get up and soak the pans in hot water and put away the refrigerated items.
15. Finish eating.
16. Realize I'm still hungry.
17. Give up and make myself some tea and read Harry Potter.
18.  Is there a spell to cure Celiac yet????